July 9th, 2007

Most of my time is spent parenting and lawyering, with little time left for more lofty spiritual pursuits. In my never-ending quest for balance, I decided to spend a few days last month at Kripalu, a retreat center in the Berkshires. I was going to get away from it all and emerge a more peaceful and serene self. I approached enlightenment in much the same way that I do a legal problem – nothing that can’t be solved with a combination of focus, reason and hard work. If I haven’t achieved a consistent state of bliss so far, it’s simply because I haven’t had the time. With a determination that I hadn’t mustered since having to sit through the bar exam, I turned my blackberry and laptop off and committed to four days of no caffeine, alcohol or sugar. I met up with a dear friend who is a physician and mother of three and also needing some balance in her life. The plan was to meditate, take long walks, practice yoga, and attend workshops geared toward personal growth and enlightenment. It may have taken Buddha 49 days under the Bodhi tree to reach enlightenment; I would reach my personal state of permanent bliss the American way – over a long weekend. Of course, if I was going take an accelerated spiritual path I would need to really focus.

As part of the process, I resolved to banish all thoughts of work and estate planning. My first workshop was called Living in the Now, which immediately got me thinking about what happened at work the day before. The ever dutiful student, I noticed the thought and let it go as I have been taught in various meditation classes. But then, the instructor talked about how most of us live in a constant state of fear and denial of death. Now it was impossible to not think about estate planning. My mind was off and running: I wondered if my fellow spiritual seekers had an estate plan…I wondered if the instructor would be interested in being a guest seminar at one of our seminars (denial of death is definitely a block in my business)…I wondered what in the heck I was doing at a retreat when I had so much to do at home… My mental meandering continued until I finally surrendered. The message was clear: thoughts of work, which occupy so much of mind and time, were not going to simply disappear just because I said so. Instead, I decided that my work for weekend would be to meditate on how to integrate my search for a higher meaning with my role as an attorney who practices estate planning.

I intuitively am able to integrate my spiritual life with my role as a parent. However, on a subconscious level I have always felt my work as separate from anything else. Part of the reason for this split has to do with my view of how other people view estate planning. It seems that the minority of people who actually sit down to do a plan (only 40% in the US have an estate plan in place), want to know about the estate tax. And, yes, I believe that it’s worthwhile to help families save thousands even millions of dollars in estate taxes. Most families justifiably prefer that their assets go to their charity of choice rather than the IRS, or that their money be used to provide security, education and a better life for their kids, grandkids and other family members. However, helping clients save taxes in and of itself has never given meaning to my work as an estate planning attorney. The question then was whether there is a higher purpose in my work, or is it just a way to make a living.

I did not reach enlightenment in the traditional sense over my four days of “getting away from it all.” However, I began to see my practice in a new light. I realized that I have never defined my job as minimizing taxes. If a new client may see us simply as tax minimizers, I see my role as showing them that the real goal is peace of mind. I suspect that, common perceptions notwithstanding, very few people are kept up late at night worrying about taxes to be paid when they die. However, many of them worry about things such as whether distributing wealth to their children will spoil the children’s incentive and values, whether family members (especially blended families) will be able to get along when their gone, whether their children will go to college, whether their business will survive the transition to the next generation, and whether assets in their family will be protected from the remarriage of their spouse if they die first or if one of the children or grandchildren divorces. While transfer tax planning plays a crucial supporting role in analyzing each of these problems, each problem exists independently of the estate tax.

It’s true that we draft documents that help clients to minimize taxes and protect their assets. However, the real value that we give and receive is helping clients to view the estate planning process as an opportunity to protect and provide for the people, pets, and charities in a way that supports each client’s unique vision. After my weekend, I saw that even if I didn’t realize it before, my work has never been separate from my values or my inner life.

My estate planning epiphany was certainly inspirational. However, I still hope to reach enlightenment as described in the Buddhist texts. I’m thinking that perhaps a long weekend is simply not enough time. Maybe next time I should take off for a whole week!

Namaste...Mahlia

June 1st, 2007

This is my first post, so it’s official; I am now a blogger. Me, a blogger?! I feel so hip, so with it, so new millennium. As an estate planning attorney and parent of two very cool girls, it’s rare that I have an opportunity to feel anything other than quaintly out of date. And, just think, less than a year ago I didn’t even know a blog from bling. As it turns out, I’ve been an unofficial blogger for ages and didn’t even know it. When I moved to Colorado eight years ago I started writing random, stream of conscious letters and e-mailing them as a way to keep in touch with old friends, with little expectation that the letters would be read. It seems to me that this is very similar to how a blog works. I wrote for the sheer pleasure of being able to enjoy an uninterrupted rant on topics I found to be of interest. Unfortunately, I’ve had little time for personal writing since I opened my practice and it’s something I miss.

One would assume, therefore, that I’d welcome a suggestion that I start a firm blog. Indeed, I thought it was a great idea: an excuse to write (and even rant on occasion) and a chance to communicate about estate planning, both of which I enjoy. I resolutely committed to myself that  I’d be on it  immediately, pronto, right away, without delay. Well, that was several months ago. I put "Write Blog" on my "to do" list with an April 1st completion date.  Everyday since April 1st, a "Write Blog" reminder pops up on my work computer, as well as my blackberry.  Every time I am confronted with that reminder I get aggravated and feel a small sense of personal failure for not following through.  I am tempted to simply delete it from my to do list, but for some masochist reason I continue to allow myself to be harassed by my very own organization system. Yet, I refuse to sit down and get the job done.

Clearly, I am experiencing resistance. I am procrastinating. I am putting it off. It’s on my list of things to do–later. I find every reason in the world to avoid taking that first step, even though it is a step toward doing something that I want to do. I love to write and I love estate planning. Yet, it’s only my persistent reminders that got me to sit down and just do it!

It’s no wonder then that most people have no estate plan. If I procrastinate doing something I actually enjoy and believe is of the utmost importance, imagine the resistance to talking about death, disability, divorce, and asset protection! Even when we get to the point of contemplating our impermanence, having to pay an attorney for the privilege puts up yet another barrier to action. These topics definitely do not make for polite dinner conversation, as many of my friends and family so often remind me.

Yet, I’ve never met anyone who actually believes it’s a bad idea to have a will. Parents everywhere agree that they should nominate guardians to care for their children in the event that they cannot. Most people have family, friends, animals, causes and/or organizations that are important to them. We are all uneasy at the thought of what will happen to us if we get so sick or hurt in an accident that we cannot care for ourselves. Not many people are thrilled with the idea of their hard-earned assets going to the IRS after they are gone. Like me and my blog, doing an estate plan is one of the things that’s on our list of things to do, but never seems to get crossed off.

Rest assured, planning for the one certainty in life does not make it more likely to happen sooner. In fact, I prefer to think that the result of having an estate plan is rather like what happens when you carry an umbrella, water your lawn or wash your car. Okay, I suppose it’s a stretch to claim that having a plan actually puts off the grim realties of life, but I can assure you that it feels really good to have one. And, for people who work with me, the process itself is meaningful and often times even fun. The only difficulty is getting started. Taking that first step is the hard part. Now that I’ve finally started to blog, and am bordering on a multi-page ramble, I can promise it’s all downhill after you take that first step.

Mahlia

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